All will be well

2009-03-25T12:07:00.000-07:00

The simple truth that I affect the heart of the Lord has really been messing me up lately. How could I follow Jesus for years and miss this simple fact. I know He affects me, but I've been floored by the truth that the LORD, the Creator and Sustainor of all ife, the author of salvation, the source of everything that is good and pure and just, the one who sits on the throne forever, loves me and if affected by me. My love brings Him joy. It is ridiculous. I can{t get over it, I don't think I want to.

Jinotega has been a lot of different things to me. We've been here for about a week and a half now. In leaving Los Cedros I feel like I walked away from a battle that I still wanted to fight, but in being here I see that the Lord's timing is good and He knows me better than I know myself. With time to just be I've realized that I'm burnt out like never before. I love the schedule here and the kids are seriously a delight to spend time with. These kids are funnier than most, maybe it's because of the language barrier, but I laugh a lot throughout the day at the things they say and do. I am in need of rest, yesterday the Lord brought me back to Matt 11:28-30.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.

I love that Jesus offers Himself, not sleep or a relaxing vacation, but Himself, as our resting place. I am so thirsty for that.

2009-03-07T17:47:00.000-08:00

He said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered, "O Lord GOD, You know."
Again He said to me, "Prophesy over these bones and say to them, 'O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD.'
Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones, 'Behold I will cause breath to enter you that you may come to life.
'I will put sinews o you, make flesh grow back on you, cover you with skin and put breath in you that you may come alive; and you will know that I am the LORD.'" (Ezekiel 37:3-6)

I haven't read much in Ezekiel lately, maybe ever, but a friend brought up these verses a few days ago and I can't get the imagery that they create out of my head.
There are eleven teenage boys here that need the Lords saving breath, His new life. They need the hope that He offers in these verses. They need Redemption, To be made new.

It has been a stretch for me to "work", if that's what we're calling it, with teenage boys in general, and in a culture and language I'm unfamiliar with. I've wondered a lot about why I felt the Lord leading me towards giving my time to them while I'm here. I wonder this especially when they're disrespectful, and sometimes ridiculous. Then yesterday, I was reminded that my Father loves things that are broken, messy and needy and His heart in me longs to see restoration in their lives, movement toward Jesus and away from their pain. He delights in making us new. Restoring hope to the hopeless, joy for mourning, praise for shame. I love that the Lord sees the ignored, He sees those who get passed by and brushed aside and He stops nad gives them His time, Himself.

I'm leaving this orphanage to go to another one that is under the same ministry. Through a lot of prayer and conversation and waiting it looks like the Lord has closed doors here and let walls remain a barrier. I see the Lord leading me out of this and I'm grateful for that. It is comforting to see Him moving ahead of me. So for the next month I'll be in Jinotega with kids ages 6-18, with all of the teenagers being girls. I can't put words to how excited I am to get to work with teenage girls. I can't wait for opportunities to speak truth and see them grow in faith and knowledge and love with Jesus. The girls up there have a good grasp on english and we're girls, so talking is something we're good at, so I'm looking forward to a lot of good conversation.

I am learning day in and out that life is about Jesus, nothing else. Knowing Him, making Him known. I learn more every day that He alone will satisfy me, He alone is enough, my breath and life. I am in need of prayer as to how to leave this orphanage well. I want to leave words that are constructive and that build on the foundation that the Lord is laying out for this place. I need wisdom and humility to set up next to me and walk around with me for the next few days.
Jesus is beautiful and merciful. Pray for us :)

New Thoughts...

2009-02-10T11:11:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted much lately. I haven't really known what to write. Being here in Nicaragua so far has been less like a missions trip and more like having a job. It's been interesting to say the least. This orphanage may be the exact opposite of what I experienced in India. I feel like a little kid just soaking up a lot of what happens and not really understanding why. There are a lot of things that I love about this orphanage and a lot that I don't quite know what to do with. It's so interesting to me that the Lord brought me down this road with Him. I'm re-thinking a lot of things at this point in my life :)
The orphanage here is on a good bit of land. There is an infants home with 14 little ones under six, and off at the back of the property is a boys home with 11 teenage boys. We've been spending the majority of our time with the little ones because they've told us that they need the most help with them. This has been a challenge for me because I don't feel like I have a lot to offer that age bracket, and so I feel a little like an inept daycare worker most of the time. The more time I get around those older boys though, the more I feel like I have a purpose here. The Lord has SO MUCH joy over them. I don't really know all of their stories yet, but it's clear that they've been brushed aside by the people who should have fought the hardest for them.
They are a tough bunch to get in with. I'm praying a lot that they'll see the Lord in all of us here, that they'll encounter His love in our daily actions and our words to them. I read this quote recently that said not to treat a man based on what he is, but what he can be if he gives himself unreservedly to the Lord. I am grateful for those words, they've been on my heart a lot since meeting these boys. I want to see them made new. Please pray for them. Here are their names;
Jaibon, Curling, Roberto, Martin, Marbin, Jairo, Germey, Olvis, Giovani, and Brian. I can't remember one of their names so I'll add that one later.

Everything Is New Again

2009-01-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

I am in Nicaragua. When I say this to myself each day, I then ask myself, what am I doing here? And then I wait for myself to answer, but that usually doesn't happen because really I have no idea why the Lord has called me here. In my month at home the Lord made it clear to me that this was my next step. So I took it, and then I got here to this orphanage in Los Cedros and found myself in this new space in life that is so unfamiliar to me. I'm spending most of my days with a little group of toddlers with more energy than I've ever had in my life, and trying to throw myself in with the group of teenage boys that live at the edge of the property. I feel really out of my element with this group of boys, but I know that the Lords heart is for them and that's all I need for now. My prayer is that at the end of my time here they will remember that the love that Jesus has for them and know that they are dear to Him. I love seeing how the Lord has provided a home for all of the children here. He is a good Father. There is a lot more to say, but I will save it for later when I've had time to process.

2008-11-14T05:50:00.000-08:00

Things are really busy here lately. next week is our last full week of ministry and then we have a half week, a christmas party at the leper colony, then we leave for debrief. after that w come back and have the Christmas parties at the two orphanages and then pack up and head home to the US. We have to teach the kids a Christmas skit and a dance this week, i cannot wait to teach them a dance, they told me they like to dance today so it should rock. we'll probably get on TV for our collective dance skills. i wish this could be longer. please pray for our health. the team has been sick a lot lately. and please pray for the funds for the Christmas party.

Act justly

2008-11-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday our team went to church at an orphanage we haven't been to yet. I don't really know what to think about it. Last year my team wasn't allowed to go, but I've heard so many stories about the orphanage and the children. There used to be over 300 children here, but now there are only about 100. Parents who can't afford to provide their children an education or sufficient food have taken them back home and others have opted to go back to lives of intense poverty rather than stay. A few of children were able to come to the two orphanages we work with regularly by God's grace. One of our friends told us that in the summer, when the temperature gets up to the mid 100's, the children are crammed into small rooms to sleep with the doors and windows closed for fear of being robbed. Some of the boys would sleep on the hot tin roof to escape the intense heat of the rooms. In the winter they would huddle together for warmth. The orphanage has a lot of land for the kids to run around, but it felt a little like a ghost town with so few children. Last summer one of the children died of dehydration which is hard to grasp because there is no shortage of water. The kids were hungry for attention yesterday. One little girl attatched herself to me after she realized that I knew her name. Another girl who is about 10 and has been there for 5 or 6 years was telling me she knew one of our friends, she was excitedly saying, "she knows my name, yes, she knows my name." When we left in the afternon they followed our car out of the gate still grasping our hands. One of the little girls wrote one of the students from our team a birthday card. She asked the Lord to bless the birthday girl, and then asked her to please remember her name, and not to forget about her.
Jesus indentifies himself with the poor and orphaned and abused and abandoned over and over again in the gospels. He tells us that He'll separate us out by how we treated all the black sheep of the world. Matt 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' I'm thinking that if the body of Christ, every single one of us who is called by His good name would devote our lives to justice and to looking after those who no one esle will stand up for these stories of abuse would be less frequent. The Lord says He has good plans for His children, but what does that look like to a child who has been locked in a room for a week with no food or water. I think we as their brothers and sisters have a responsibility to do what we can for them. It will probably look different for everyone, but I'm sure it involves action.
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (micah 6:8)

He will provide rest for our souls....

2008-10-31T23:49:00.000-07:00

One of the little girls from the orphanage went home with her mom to visit her sick sister about a week ago. Her mom is a prostitute and we found out the other day that the precious girl is nearing the age that they take girls for prostitution so we're worried she won't come back. please pray hard with us that she is returned to the orphanage. I don't have my thoughts pulled together enough to form a coherent post. i wish i did though. We've been spending some praying for the red light district here in Delhi. A pastor came by the other day and shared with us a little information about it. I am outraged. Women are held as slaves there in rooms the size of most of our closets. Their children are usually living in the same "room" that they do business in. I am at a loss of words here. A few of the children at the orphanage were taken from the red light district in Delhi. I am blown away by them. One of them kept made me pretend chai and drank it with me yesterday afternoon. It was pretty good considering it only took him 1 seciond to make it. He loves to laugh. He had on a ridiculous fluffy leopard print sweater the other day, it's probably one of the only ones he has so it was hard not to laugh at how funny he looked in that sweater and his little blue shorts. Please pray for fund raising for their Christmas party. :)

2008-10-24T21:27:00.000-07:00

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to everyone that I told I would update this blog regularly. Finding a good connection here is ridiculous. Maybe you’ve all stopped reading this by now…. But hopefully not!

The children at the orphanage have a time of prayer and worship every afternoon, and it is humbling to be a part of. One of the children stands in the front of the room and the rest sit down facing the front. They mostly pray in hindi, but for the past few days they’ve said a little in English. I’ve been wondering what they’re praying for, thinking they’re asking for huge blessings, praying for the Lord to do crazy things. So the oldest boy at the orphanage lead prayer time in English the other day and this is what they said:
The Lord has given us life today and He has kept us safe, so let us worship Him.
The Lord has given us shelter and food so let us worship Him.
Then they pray for their Auntie and Uncle (the parents of the orphanage), for their learning in school, for everyone who supports them, for the two staff, for the team and for our families and for the Lords provision.
They are so simple and grateful. I am humbled by them. We got ice cream today and it was the first time for a lot of them. The staff and the parents here barely get any time to themselves. They get up before five, get the children ready, feed them breakfast, have prayer time, and once the kids leave for school there is lunch to prepare, a baby and three little ones to look after, laundry, cleaning, and all of this on top of the administrative work it takes to run an orphanage.
Here’s the thing, these children will not have anything for Christmas this year unless our team raises the money for them. The group of people who normally raise support for them cannot come this year, so it’s up to us. These children are our brothers and sisters. How many of us would let our little brothers and sisters go without anything on Christmas? Here’s what they need: winter clothes, blankets, a bunk bed, winter school uniforms. They need the basics. As believers we are adopted in to one family with one Father. 2 Corinthians 6:18, “And I will be a Father to you and you will be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” Our family stretches across the ocean and across language and skin color, and our own personal preferences. So here’s you can do to help your brothers and sisters out this Christmas: get together with your friends or with strangers and put in however much you can afford or maybe more than you can afford and send it to this address:
First United Methodist Church
301 South Main St.
PO Box 35
Randleman, NC 27317
Make checks out to First United Methodist Church
Please write "orphan Christmas" in the memo line of the check
All of the money will go towards Christmas gifts for the two orphanages and their staff that we are involved with here. James 1:27: “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”

2008-10-01T22:23:00.000-07:00

I still haven’t had much time to gather my thoughts so sorry that this might be a little scattered. Last night our rickshaw driver couldn’t have been more than 12 years old. He was tiny. Everything in me hated the fact that this child was taking us to our house. The only thing I could offer him was prayer. Every time we go to the market we’re faced with such deep poverty. Little kids follow us around begging for money. To be honest it gets really annoying after a while, what’s most frustrating about it is that I have no clue how to respond to this. We’re not supposed to give them money because most beggars work for a pimp who will take their money at the end of the day, and if you give money to one person you will soon have a small crowd of beggars expecting you to give them money as well. I could buy them food, but the same thing happens there as well. It’s hard to spend time with someone who is begging because we’re usually in the market to get something and leave, and then there’s the language barrier. I don’t think Jesus would just throw cash at someone, but what would He have me do?
I think I mentioned that my team is working at Asha Mission. This orphanage is about a year old and is run by an amazing couple. They treat these kids as if they are their own. It is beautiful to witness. Some of the kids have one or two parents who are still alive but are unable or unwilling to care for them, but at Asha Mission they have a family with the strongest foundation. They have the same Father, who went to the most ridiculous extreme to show them that He LOVES them.
Yesterday morning I got up to spend time with the Lord, but something was off. I tried to read and couldn’t, I tried to listen to music and journal and pray but I was so distracted and unsettled. Then I stopped DOING everything and just sat there. The Lord was just asking me to simply Be in His presence. I felt like He was looking at me saying- What are you doing? Just sit with me, you don’t always have to be doing so much. I don’t know how to describe it, but I like that He just wanted me to sit with Him like a friend.
I’m learning a lot from the other leader I’m here with. We’ve been in a conversation about love on and off for a while because of what the Lord is teaching her, which is so rich to me. Here’s the question I’m asking myself, Do my actions flow from intimacy with and love for Jesus, am I responding to His love or just doing, doing, doing? If my actions don’t flow from intimacy with the Lord than they’re worthless and I need to stop dead in my tracks. At the end of the day Jesus is it, He is my life, so if I’m not getting everything from Him than what am I doing? The Lord knows my heart better than I do; I’m praying His truth will guide me.
I really am shocked each morning that this team hasn’t voted me off the island. They are such a gift and a picture of God’s grace to me. On an unrelated note there was a mouse in my bed the other day and a random Indian man looking in our window. I screamed out of fright at the Indian man who was completely unfazed and held out his hand like I was being ridiculous which was uncalled for on his part.

Life

2008-09-24T00:56:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a lot of time to update because a there is so much going on, but I'll have to keep this short. It is good to be back. Getting out of the airport and into the streets was a good moment. Back into the chaos that is Delhi, it is a loud and dirty and colorful and broken place. The weather here has been nice, which is shocking and awesome and much appreciated. We're just getting started with ministry. We'll be going to two orphanages and one leper colony. The kids at the orphanage are awesome, i have a lot more to share about them that i'll save for later. The team is good, we're having to fight for unity, but it's good. I have so much more to share, but I'm really rushed by a random indian man that is standing in fron t of my computer, literally. More later. Please be praying for us; for wisdom and unity and love,and more intimacy with our Father.

If you will...

2008-09-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hey Friends,

From today until September 14th we'll be at training camp being prepped for India. If you like to pray here are a couple of things id love prayer for:

team unity,
safe travel for the participants (they all come in on sunday!),
wisdom,
creativity (we'll be working with children a lot).
discernment in hearing Gods voice.

I'll be posting later to

change is good.

2008-08-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

dear friends -
So here it is- the blog I swore with all my life that I would never have, not in a million years. I've always been kind of a private person, but I'm seeing that God didn't intend for me to be that way. I think it's my own pride and fear and insecurity that kept me that way. Praise God that He is relentless in His pursuit of us, in bringing us closer to Him and further from our prisons and our sin. So things have changed. I'm excited about having this space to write about what's going to be happening in this next part of my journey. I tried my best to keep everyone updated on the happenings in India last summer, and failed pretty miserably. My hope for this space is that I will be able to keep everyone caught up on what God is letting me be a part of in India this fall. If I haven't told you yet (sorry) - I'm helping lead a missions trip for college students to India from September - December. I'll be going with Adventures in Missions (same as last summer). Here's what I need so badly from you all: I need to hear your thoughts, and voices, and prayers A LOT. For real, I need your wisdom and words of truth, I need to hear Gospel spoken back to me over, and over again. I feel like I'm asking a lot.

I'm just now realizing how badly I need the body of Christ to surround me (hence me begging you all to be with me on this trip by keeping up with me here :). God has been showing me how helpless I am without Him lately. Which is always nice.The last month in India last summer I couldn't get out of bed without stumbling in front of Jesus and telling Him I couldn't go through with another day if I didn't have His presence, if I couldn't hear His voice speaking to me. He was so faithful to be my friend in that time. So i'm back in that same place again. So here it is; I'm going to be able to check my email once a week, please respond to this however is best for you. Yeah!!! I'm so, so grateful that I can ask all of you for your support in this!! Peace - jennifer

Here is a sneak peak of the awesomeness that is India.

They're cutting the grass. it's too much, where do kids this
precious come from , you might ask? that's right, India.