The simple truth that I affect the heart of the Lord has really been messing me up lately. How could I follow Jesus for years and miss this simple fact. I know He affects me, but I've been floored by the truth that the LORD, the Creator and Sustainor of all ife, the author of salvation, the source of everything that is good and pure and just, the one who sits on the throne forever, loves me and if affected by me. My love brings Him joy. It is ridiculous. I can{t get over it, I don't think I want to.

Jinotega has been a lot of different things to me. We've been here for about a week and a half now. In leaving Los Cedros I feel like I walked away from a battle that I still wanted to fight, but in being here I see that the Lord's timing is good and He knows me better than I know myself. With time to just be I've realized that I'm burnt out like never before. I love the schedule here and the kids are seriously a delight to spend time with. These kids are funnier than most, maybe it's because of the language barrier, but I laugh a lot throughout the day at the things they say and do. I am in need of rest, yesterday the Lord brought me back to Matt 11:28-30.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.

I love that Jesus offers Himself, not sleep or a relaxing vacation, but Himself, as our resting place. I am so thirsty for that.

He said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered, "O Lord GOD, You know."
Again He said to me, "Prophesy over these bones and say to them, 'O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD.'
Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones, 'Behold I will cause breath to enter you that you may come to life.
'I will put sinews o you, make flesh grow back on you, cover you with skin and put breath in you that you may come alive; and you will know that I am the LORD.'" (Ezekiel 37:3-6)

I haven't read much in Ezekiel lately, maybe ever, but a friend brought up these verses a few days ago and I can't get the imagery that they create out of my head.
There are eleven teenage boys here that need the Lords saving breath, His new life. They need the hope that He offers in these verses. They need Redemption, To be made new.

It has been a stretch for me to "work", if that's what we're calling it, with teenage boys in general, and in a culture and language I'm unfamiliar with. I've wondered a lot about why I felt the Lord leading me towards giving my time to them while I'm here. I wonder this especially when they're disrespectful, and sometimes ridiculous. Then yesterday, I was reminded that my Father loves things that are broken, messy and needy and His heart in me longs to see restoration in their lives, movement toward Jesus and away from their pain. He delights in making us new. Restoring hope to the hopeless, joy for mourning, praise for shame. I love that the Lord sees the ignored, He sees those who get passed by and brushed aside and He stops nad gives them His time, Himself.

I'm leaving this orphanage to go to another one that is under the same ministry. Through a lot of prayer and conversation and waiting it looks like the Lord has closed doors here and let walls remain a barrier. I see the Lord leading me out of this and I'm grateful for that. It is comforting to see Him moving ahead of me. So for the next month I'll be in Jinotega with kids ages 6-18, with all of the teenagers being girls. I can't put words to how excited I am to get to work with teenage girls. I can't wait for opportunities to speak truth and see them grow in faith and knowledge and love with Jesus. The girls up there have a good grasp on english and we're girls, so talking is something we're good at, so I'm looking forward to a lot of good conversation.

I am learning day in and out that life is about Jesus, nothing else. Knowing Him, making Him known. I learn more every day that He alone will satisfy me, He alone is enough, my breath and life. I am in need of prayer as to how to leave this orphanage well. I want to leave words that are constructive and that build on the foundation that the Lord is laying out for this place. I need wisdom and humility to set up next to me and walk around with me for the next few days.
Jesus is beautiful and merciful. Pray for us :)

New Thoughts...

I haven't posted much lately. I haven't really known what to write. Being here in Nicaragua so far has been less like a missions trip and more like having a job. It's been interesting to say the least. This orphanage may be the exact opposite of what I experienced in India. I feel like a little kid just soaking up a lot of what happens and not really understanding why. There are a lot of things that I love about this orphanage and a lot that I don't quite know what to do with. It's so interesting to me that the Lord brought me down this road with Him. I'm re-thinking a lot of things at this point in my life :)
The orphanage here is on a good bit of land. There is an infants home with 14 little ones under six, and off at the back of the property is a boys home with 11 teenage boys. We've been spending the majority of our time with the little ones because they've told us that they need the most help with them. This has been a challenge for me because I don't feel like I have a lot to offer that age bracket, and so I feel a little like an inept daycare worker most of the time. The more time I get around those older boys though, the more I feel like I have a purpose here. The Lord has SO MUCH joy over them. I don't really know all of their stories yet, but it's clear that they've been brushed aside by the people who should have fought the hardest for them.
They are a tough bunch to get in with. I'm praying a lot that they'll see the Lord in all of us here, that they'll encounter His love in our daily actions and our words to them. I read this quote recently that said not to treat a man based on what he is, but what he can be if he gives himself unreservedly to the Lord. I am grateful for those words, they've been on my heart a lot since meeting these boys. I want to see them made new. Please pray for them. Here are their names;
Jaibon, Curling, Roberto, Martin, Marbin, Jairo, Germey, Olvis, Giovani, and Brian. I can't remember one of their names so I'll add that one later.

Everything Is New Again

I am in Nicaragua. When I say this to myself each day, I then ask myself, what am I doing here? And then I wait for myself to answer, but that usually doesn't happen because really I have no idea why the Lord has called me here. In my month at home the Lord made it clear to me that this was my next step. So I took it, and then I got here to this orphanage in Los Cedros and found myself in this new space in life that is so unfamiliar to me. I'm spending most of my days with a little group of toddlers with more energy than I've ever had in my life, and trying to throw myself in with the group of teenage boys that live at the edge of the property. I feel really out of my element with this group of boys, but I know that the Lords heart is for them and that's all I need for now. My prayer is that at the end of my time here they will remember that the love that Jesus has for them and know that they are dear to Him. I love seeing how the Lord has provided a home for all of the children here. He is a good Father. There is a lot more to say, but I will save it for later when I've had time to process.

Things are really busy here lately. next week is our last full week of ministry and then we have a half week, a christmas party at the leper colony, then we leave for debrief. after that w come back and have the Christmas parties at the two orphanages and then pack up and head home to the US. We have to teach the kids a Christmas skit and a dance this week, i cannot wait to teach them a dance, they told me they like to dance today so it should rock. we'll probably get on TV for our collective dance skills. i wish this could be longer. please pray for our health. the team has been sick a lot lately. and please pray for the funds for the Christmas party.

Act justly

Yesterday our team went to church at an orphanage we haven't been to yet. I don't really know what to think about it. Last year my team wasn't allowed to go, but I've heard so many stories about the orphanage and the children. There used to be over 300 children here, but now there are only about 100. Parents who can't afford to provide their children an education or sufficient food have taken them back home and others have opted to go back to lives of intense poverty rather than stay. A few of children were able to come to the two orphanages we work with regularly by God's grace. One of our friends told us that in the summer, when the temperature gets up to the mid 100's, the children are crammed into small rooms to sleep with the doors and windows closed for fear of being robbed. Some of the boys would sleep on the hot tin roof to escape the intense heat of the rooms. In the winter they would huddle together for warmth. The orphanage has a lot of land for the kids to run around, but it felt a little like a ghost town with so few children. Last summer one of the children died of dehydration which is hard to grasp because there is no shortage of water. The kids were hungry for attention yesterday. One little girl attatched herself to me after she realized that I knew her name. Another girl who is about 10 and has been there for 5 or 6 years was telling me she knew one of our friends, she was excitedly saying, "she knows my name, yes, she knows my name." When we left in the afternon they followed our car out of the gate still grasping our hands. One of the little girls wrote one of the students from our team a birthday card. She asked the Lord to bless the birthday girl, and then asked her to please remember her name, and not to forget about her.
Jesus indentifies himself with the poor and orphaned and abused and abandoned over and over again in the gospels. He tells us that He'll separate us out by how we treated all the black sheep of the world. Matt 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' I'm thinking that if the body of Christ, every single one of us who is called by His good name would devote our lives to justice and to looking after those who no one esle will stand up for these stories of abuse would be less frequent. The Lord says He has good plans for His children, but what does that look like to a child who has been locked in a room for a week with no food or water. I think we as their brothers and sisters have a responsibility to do what we can for them. It will probably look different for everyone, but I'm sure it involves action.
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (micah 6:8)

He will provide rest for our souls....

One of the little girls from the orphanage went home with her mom to visit her sick sister about a week ago. Her mom is a prostitute and we found out the other day that the precious girl is nearing the age that they take girls for prostitution so we're worried she won't come back. please pray hard with us that she is returned to the orphanage. I don't have my thoughts pulled together enough to form a coherent post. i wish i did though. We've been spending some praying for the red light district here in Delhi. A pastor came by the other day and shared with us a little information about it. I am outraged. Women are held as slaves there in rooms the size of most of our closets. Their children are usually living in the same "room" that they do business in. I am at a loss of words here. A few of the children at the orphanage were taken from the red light district in Delhi. I am blown away by them. One of them kept made me pretend chai and drank it with me yesterday afternoon. It was pretty good considering it only took him 1 seciond to make it. He loves to laugh. He had on a ridiculous fluffy leopard print sweater the other day, it's probably one of the only ones he has so it was hard not to laugh at how funny he looked in that sweater and his little blue shorts. Please pray for fund raising for their Christmas party. :)