I still haven’t had much time to gather my thoughts so sorry that this might be a little scattered. Last night our rickshaw driver couldn’t have been more than 12 years old. He was tiny. Everything in me hated the fact that this child was taking us to our house. The only thing I could offer him was prayer. Every time we go to the market we’re faced with such deep poverty. Little kids follow us around begging for money. To be honest it gets really annoying after a while, what’s most frustrating about it is that I have no clue how to respond to this. We’re not supposed to give them money because most beggars work for a pimp who will take their money at the end of the day, and if you give money to one person you will soon have a small crowd of beggars expecting you to give them money as well. I could buy them food, but the same thing happens there as well. It’s hard to spend time with someone who is begging because we’re usually in the market to get something and leave, and then there’s the language barrier. I don’t think Jesus would just throw cash at someone, but what would He have me do?
I think I mentioned that my team is working at Asha Mission. This orphanage is about a year old and is run by an amazing couple. They treat these kids as if they are their own. It is beautiful to witness. Some of the kids have one or two parents who are still alive but are unable or unwilling to care for them, but at Asha Mission they have a family with the strongest foundation. They have the same Father, who went to the most ridiculous extreme to show them that He LOVES them.
Yesterday morning I got up to spend time with the Lord, but something was off. I tried to read and couldn’t, I tried to listen to music and journal and pray but I was so distracted and unsettled. Then I stopped DOING everything and just sat there. The Lord was just asking me to simply Be in His presence. I felt like He was looking at me saying- What are you doing? Just sit with me, you don’t always have to be doing so much. I don’t know how to describe it, but I like that He just wanted me to sit with Him like a friend.
I’m learning a lot from the other leader I’m here with. We’ve been in a conversation about love on and off for a while because of what the Lord is teaching her, which is so rich to me. Here’s the question I’m asking myself, Do my actions flow from intimacy with and love for Jesus, am I responding to His love or just doing, doing, doing? If my actions don’t flow from intimacy with the Lord than they’re worthless and I need to stop dead in my tracks. At the end of the day Jesus is it, He is my life, so if I’m not getting everything from Him than what am I doing? The Lord knows my heart better than I do; I’m praying His truth will guide me.
I really am shocked each morning that this team hasn’t voted me off the island. They are such a gift and a picture of God’s grace to me. On an unrelated note there was a mouse in my bed the other day and a random Indian man looking in our window. I screamed out of fright at the Indian man who was completely unfazed and held out his hand like I was being ridiculous which was uncalled for on his part.